I Remember Teaching…

Several years ago, I stopped teaching full time. I didn’t stop working full time, but I stopped teaching full time.

I found other ways to work a “full time” without actually teaching full time. I became a curriculum specialist. I became a literacy coach. I became a professional developer. I looked for ways to teach only part-time and do other things to make sure I was working full time.

All of which was satisfying. None of which was as much work as teaching is.

I’m not a slacker. Really, I’m not.

But here’s the deal.

Teaching full time is exhausting. It has the potential to consume every waking hour.

Not all teachers are like this. We all know that.

But I am…Teaching can consume me.

So now I’m teaching again…full time…only this time it’s at a community college…and we’re three weeks into the semester and I’m remembering some things about teaching full time and what it takes out of me and I remember that being at a community college, it’s not even one single-fucking-iota what it felt like to teach in k-12 full time. This I know…

But still…I’m remembering….

• I’m remembering what it feels like to never be caught up with all the grading I need to do.

• I’m remembering what it feels like to never be completely, perfectly, planned for all my classes, no matter how much time I spend planning and preparing (and I have lots more time to plan than I used to. Still, it’s never enough.)

• I’m remembering what it feels like to know that no matter what I do, there are some students who I will not reach, because they are not at a place in their lives that they can learn from me, or from anyone for that matter. Their lives are, simply, impossible. And there’s really not much I can do about it.

• I’m remembering what it feels like to not be able to control this aspect of teaching.

• I’m remembering what it feels like to want to do everything I can to get those students to learn anyway.

• I’m remembering what it feels like to be completely exhausted from trying to teach all of the students in front of me, whether they want to learn or not.

• I’m remembering what it feels like to know that I’m probably forgetting to turn in some paperwork or form to the front office, and that tomorrow, I’ll get an email reminder that I forgot.

• I’m remembering that I HATE that.

• I’m remembering what it feels like to say that I don’t have time to run because I have to teach, or I have to get ready to teach, or I have to grade some papers, or that I have a meeting to go to, or because I’ve done all of those things all day, I really should spend some time with my family, and not spend time running.

• I’m remembering what it feels like to be too tired from teaching at the end of the day to run.

But here’s the deal…I love teaching…

• I love helping someone who just moments ago, didn’t understand some concept, understand it now.

• I love helping someone who wants to communicate what they think about an important idea, find the words to communicate it.

• I love helping someone discover that they can do something that they previously thought they could not.

How do I find the balance?

It’s Thursday night. I’ve run once this week….again. Yesterday morning, I ran for the first time since Sunday. I eeked out 25 minutes on the treadmill and was almost late to my first class because of it…

I’ll run tomorrow, because I’m lucky and I don’t have classes on Fridays and I’ll have time to run.

And then I’ll run on Saturday and Sunday…finally. One of those days will be a long run…

And I wonder, will running mostly on weekends be enough to stay in shape and to continue being a runner? I wonder….

It was only about 3 years ago, that I started running and taking care of myself. I know that once I stopped teaching full time, I was able to find the time to run.

So, I’m wondering, will teaching cost me running?

That seems a high cost to pay.

Or maybe not…

I’m just remembering.

(Lest you think I’ve gone completely off my rocker and into the abyss…please know that I COULD HAVE run tonight, but I decided to go to HAPPY HOUR instead and have a few glasses of wine…I do have my SOME of my priorities straight after all…and the third glass of Pinot Noir is probably some of the cause of my melancholy this evening)

13…is a magic number…

Hey Alice…where the heck ya been?

Short answer…DramaGirl turned 13 this week on Tuesday. She has soccer. Turbo plays football. I teach two night classes. The class I team-teach at State started this week (I’m doing the online portion), so I had to get that all set up. A busy week…

Last night, DramaGirl had a slumber party. They looked like they were having a fine time, what with all the pizza, and soda, and chips, and candy (and cake!) that they could possibly consume. I think several of them were up as late as 2am. I heard later this morning, that a couple were up until 4am. This is what they looked like when I left at 7am…They swore they were going to “pull an all-nighter.”

This was the “snack table.” I told them I was really quite disappointed in their snack consumption.

In any event, I left them all in Walter’s care to run this morning. He is a much better morning person than I am. He also makes pancakes, which the girls loved….

So, I got in my weekly long-run at Harbor Island w/Betty. I had time to run only one other day this week so it wasn’t pretty, but it’s done. Here are the stats…

<a href=”http://www.mapmyrun.com/run/united-states/san-diego/574389829141″>09/07/2008 Route</a><br/><a href=”http://www.mapmyrun.com/find-run/united-states/san-diego”>Find more Runs in San Diego, United States</a>

10.12 – miles

1:58:54 – total time
11:43 – pace

Like I said, it wasn’t pretty. All I know is that I’m going to HAVE to get in a couple more mid-week runs every week if I’m going to be ready for the Nike Women’s Half in (check countdown widget at right). YIKES.

The training plan that I’ve been following for 1/2 marathons in the past, never has me running either by time, or by distance, anything more than 11 miles. After the AFC 1/2 I started to wonder about this. It seems like a fine strategy for marathon training (why would anyone run a marathon other than at a marathon?) but for shorter races, I wonder if this is the best course of action for me. At the RnR marathon, when I went past the 1/2 Marathon mark, I felt great! Of course, in the weeks prior to the marathon, I’d been running 13+ miles, every weekend, for several weeks, so 13 was no big deal.

For the AFC 1/2, the farthest I’d run was 11.5 miles…and I was exhausted by then (of course, there was that heat and humidity…but still).

The training plan by Nike for the Nike Women’s 1/2 recommends runs of 13 and 14 miles a month before the marathon, so with that in mind, I think for the next two weeks, I’ll run 2.5 hours (at least 13 – 14 miles, depending on how fast I’m running that morning), then I’ll taper to a 1.5 hour run, three weeks out, 2 hours two weeks out, an hour run one week out. I also want to get one or two good runs in on hills. Starting this week, I’m going to be able to make it to the Tuesday night workouts with the track club, so I believe there’ll be some hill workouts there as well.

I should be prepared.

So that’s all I got today. Sorry if I bored you silly, but I’ve got no funny stories to tell. It was a pretty uneventful run this morning.

We did see a washed up, eyes missing, stingray on the running path…that was new…most of the harbor area this morning just STANK…garbage and fish…not new, but smelled worse than normal, probably the humidity…there was tons of garbage from the Midway Aircraft Carrier, which is open to the public and thus has a “snack bar” at the aft (I’m SUCH a boat person you know…I can use nautical terminolgy with the best of them…musta been those two cruises I’ve been on…yeah, that’s it). The amount of trash in the bay, which I’m pretty sure had blown off the Midway, was both surprising and dissapointing. The Midway has been there for awhile, and I’ve run past it several times. This is the first time I remember noticing the amount of garbage around it…sad.

My first mega-yaght, the Princess Mariana was not longer in port, but my second mega-yaght, Ice, was…not as showy as the Princess, but it’ll do.

Have a great week. I’ve got about 50 blogs to read this afternoon, but I think I need a nap right now…you know, to recover from the slumber party.